Everyone has that moment when they lose control That fleeting moment where "Fuck it" seems like the best option. There is nothing wrong with that feeling. As you are acknowledging that moment of needing a breather.
We all have our things that stress us out. And sometimes all of those things can come together and gang up on us.
For me, its trying to muddle through both the military life and the special needs life. Both of these worlds collide every now and again and its like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Life can be exhausting enough, but when you have added elements its hard to find that time to clear your mind. I know that I am not the only person out there that rows in this boat.
You try so hard to make sure you do right for your children. Fighting with the school to make sure they understand just exactly you want from them. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't. We fight with our insurance to make sure services are provided. We fight with the everyday person who doesn't get our lifestyle. At a certain point you begin to wonder who has your back and who doesn't. When people start to see your struggle, you can start to weed out the good and the not great. You are more guarded, both with your children and yourself.
For us in military families, its a tough world out there. We have to make choices that are sometimes Career vs what is best for the family. We struggle through deployments a lot of the time. Most of us summon what ever strength we can muster just to get through a day. Military has a way of throwing a wrench on some of our best laid plans.
And through it all? Its ok to take a step back. Its ok to say to yourself, "Y'know what? I need to reevaluate things." And if people in your life don't understand that or consider it a sign of weakness, then maybe they don't completely understand what you are going through. You are taking a preemptive strike at making sure your mental health is healthy. That is not a sign of weakness. Its a sign that you care about yourself enough to do something about it. Regroup and come back to the problem at hand.
Remember, taking care of yourself is sign that you give a shit about yourself. And feeling good about yourself is the first step to making sure your journey is a smooth one.