Thursday, October 24, 2013

Haven't been around much..

I haven't been around much. I know. Life has a way of keeping me on my toes. It seems that every time I get a chance to catch my breath, I am running again and out of breath again. Life never seems dull when spouses are deployed and when Autism and ADHD tag team you like an amateur wrestling match. But it's times like these where I learn more about myself. Sadly its more like how much can I be pushed until I break.

I have come to the realization that sometimes enduring bad situations can help you discover things about yourself. And help you overome the hardships. With each deployment my spouse has been on, I have been forever rediscovering a new aspect of myself. Growing from whatever life has thrown at me. Whether it be dealing with diagnoses of family members or the ever changing relationships with people. Sometimes it isn't always a positive thing.

Sometimes I feel like it's this "Ah-ha" moment where the light bulb gets turned on. And I ask myself why on earth I am staying this situation when it has a negative connation to it.

Lately I have been dealing with people who have these insecurities with themselves that they have to try and bring me down with them. I have gotten to the point, where I just don't care anymore. I would rather protect my sanity rather than endure the pettiness and nastiness of others. So I have become more guarded. Finding out who I can trust and who I can't. 

It seems that the daily grind is wearing me out. I am finding it hard to separate myself three ways. It seems that once I have one child set,the other two are in need. It is a rare occasion when all three are in sync. At the end of the day, I can barely function. But I stretch myself thin to accommodate. As that is how I roll. There are days where I impress myself getting through a day with very little sleep and having not killed someone in the process.

I have had to take a step back. Some have understood, some haven't. But to the ones that have seen me at my worst and still held on, they are worth their weight in gold. I am sorry that I have not been around lately. But I have had to dig deep down and find myself again. I want to feel happy again. I  needed to see that I could be that again,despite all that is happening around me. Yeah is my spouse still deployed and autism and ADHD alive and well in this house, but I am starting to find the daily little joys that keep me smiling through the hard times.

Thank you to those who have stuck with me and that have respected why I have had to do this. I am glad that I have taken a step back. It's made me learn to slow down. Process things better. Not put myself into situations that are going to hurt. I am a better person for it. And I finally feel like I can catch my breath.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Even a hearty bunch needs love and support

We military spouses, we are a hearty bunch. We marry those who have one of the toughest jobs in the Country. We marry for love,regardless of what job our spouses do. Sometimes their jobs takes us to distant lands and far away places, which means we are often moving away from our families and friends. A lot of time we are placed in areas the are completely forgien to us. Language and culture are something we have to adapt to. So with us always on the move, its hard for us to connect to people and form a close bond with people. And if you are not a social person it is even harder.

So what do you do when you are left on your own when your spouse deploys? Who can you rely on when you have reached your limit? Or when you just want another adult to talk to...

A lot of us try and establish ourselves in our neighbourhood. Try and introduce ourselves. If you live on base, you are lucky that everyone is kinda rowing in the same boat. We all have our individual stories but we all have a common denominator. Military. I find though that even if you do not live on base, you tend to gravitate to other military without knowing it. It's like the Special Needs card. Without knowing most times I will meet people along the way that have some way or another have special needs in their lives. The same theory applies to military.

I have always found luck in online groups. Sometimes with those you end up meeting a great group of people. Ongoing conversations that can be both entertaining and infromative. I think blogging and Facebook pages are a great way to meet like minded people. From personal experience I can say that both of these venues have been great meeting great people.

With times being the way they are, Military Spouses need to stick together. Power in numbers. We need to keep up the good fight with Tricare. And especially now with a Government shutdown, we need to be there for each other. There is so much uncertainty that there needs to be a constant.

My thoughts are that always know who you can count on. There are going to be people that comes and go. Some will be genuine and some will not. You need to weed out the good. You will have some on your life that separation will mean nothing. You still talk, through lines of emails,phone calls and of course social media. I credit a woman at my first duty station where I married  my husband as being one of my dearest friends. She is a fellow navy wife. Another is a civilian who just gets me. I can call on both of these women and they will know exactly what I am talking about. I think every Military Spouse needs that. I think we all need that support when we are having a tough go at things. People who will understand that, yeah deployments suck or that yeah the military screwing up your spouse's pay is annoying.Or that your fight with Tricare to get services for your autistic child is indeed frustrating.

As I said at the beginning,we are hearty bunch. But even the strong need support. Thanks to pages,forums and programs out there through the different Commands, the strong can have place to feel connected. 

I started my page for support. As we are spread all over the country and even the world, it's nice to know that you are never alone. That in the sea of social media, there is always some like minded person out there who will lend an ear. I consider myself one of those people who will listen to those who need or want it.