The Comeback Kid

For every parent, we want to see our child excel. That moment where they feel proud about themselves, where they have found that little bit of self esteem.

I know I write a lot about my children with autism, this one is about my eldest son.

He is your, all smile, glasses wearing, freckled 10 year old boy. He loves Lego, Minecraft and pretty much every superhero on the planet. He takes pride of the fact that he is in a military family and that his father proudly serves. He stands up for what is right ( even though some times we get a little mixed up), but he has a good heart. He has always tried his best to make sure his younger siblings are taken care of. He might not truly understand what Autism is, but he tries.

A year ago, we struggled with this child. Despite everything that has been thrown at him, deploying parent, siblings with special  needs and a school system that didn't understand him. We had no idea how to help this child. Between the mood swings, depression, anger, the inability to focus on anything for longer than 5 seconds and failing grades, we were at the end of our rope. I saw my sweet boy morph into something he wasn't. I knew he was smart. I knew he was kind. I knew that this child that stood before me with so much rage was not the child I gave birth to.

So I did what any other parent would do, I took him to his Doctor. We went to therapy. We got the testing done. In end, my boy had ADHD. Although, this isn't devastating, it did rock my boat a little. I had yet another child that has some special needs. We debated over and over again what the next step for this child should be. In order for him to get his head back in the game, we opted for medication. The first one we tried didn't work. That rage that this child had magnified. It had created an even bigger monster than before. I didn't want to look at medication as "The Wonder Drug", but I knew something needed to be done. We put this child on medication that finally worked, got an IEP done and continued with therapy. He started to go down this path where having ADHD defined him. It took over. He wanted that one thing he could have that was his and not associated with his siblings. But he learned quickly that using a diagnosis to manipulate things and situations can sometimes backfire.

This past year hasn't been an easy one for this child. He has dwelt with his father being away, social anxiety and just trying to be a child. But through it all, he has managed to come out on top. He has learned( through therapy) ways to control his anger. He has brought up his grades with the help of an IEP and an understanding of how he learns. He has become responsible for himself. He takes his medication without reminders. He has learned to take a diagnosis and work with it, instead of using it as an excuse. He is being more adventurous. For the first time ever, he is getting up on a stage. Something he has wanted to do, but never had the courage. With all the pressure this child has had to endure, he come along way in a year. He knows there is always room for improvement. Which he is working on... Proves that anything is possible with a little hard work and the right kind of love. But right now, he is my Comeback Kid

Its ok to take a step back.

Everyone has that moment when they lose control  That fleeting moment where "Fuck it" seems like the best option. There is nothing wrong with that feeling. As you are acknowledging that moment of needing a breather.

We all have our things that stress us out. And sometimes all of those things can come together and gang up on us.

For me, its trying to muddle through both the military life and the special needs life. Both of these worlds collide every now and again and its like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Life can be exhausting enough, but when you have added elements its hard to find that time to clear your mind. I know that I am not the only person out there that rows in this boat.

You try so hard to make sure you do right for your children. Fighting with the school to make sure they understand just exactly you want from them. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't. We fight with our insurance to make sure services are provided. We fight with the everyday person who doesn't get our lifestyle. At a certain point you begin to wonder who has your back and who doesn't. When people start to see your struggle, you can start to weed out the good and the not great. You are more guarded, both with your children and yourself.

For us in military families, its a tough world out there. We have to make choices that are sometimes Career vs what is best for the family. We struggle through deployments a lot of the time. Most of us summon what ever strength we can muster just to get through a day. Military has a way of throwing a wrench on some of our best laid plans.

And through it all? Its ok to take a step back. Its ok to say to yourself, "Y'know what? I need to reevaluate things."  And if people in your life don't understand that or consider it a sign of weakness, then maybe they don't completely understand what you are going through. You are taking a preemptive strike at making sure your mental health is healthy. That is not a sign of weakness. Its a sign that you care about yourself enough to do something about it. Regroup and come back to the problem at hand.

Remember, taking care of yourself is sign that you give a shit about yourself. And feeling good about yourself is the first step to making sure your journey is a smooth one.

10 Things you can do for Special Needs Parents..

 Most of us have been on the receiving end the negative comments and stares by the general public.  We have heard pretty much everything that has been put out there. Every judgmental statement, rude comment and impolite stare.

 So what can you do for a special needs parent?


1) Every child is special, regardless on what is going on with them. Recognize that. Point out that a parent has a wonderful child. It means so much to us, as Special Needs Parents, for someone to see past the obvious. We are aware that our child experiences the world differently. But we are more touched when people see past that.

2) When you see us struggling, sometimes a comforting look of understanding, or a "Hey, Hang in there" can go along way. Most times the general public sees the absolute worst, when we are trying to get through our daily errands, we don't always have that option of leaving the kids home. Most of us are hanging on by a thread.

3)When you are informed that our child is indeed, special needs it isn't sympathy that we need. Having a child that is special needs isn't a life sentence. It just the way things are. We have our ups and downs just like you do.

4)Keep your ignorance in check. Sometimes its very hard to see the difference between ignorance and just not knowing. When we state there is special needs, ask us questions. Most of us are more than happy to set the record straight. If it promotes that spark of educating oneself on something, then Awesome!

5) Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Like anyone, if you see a person struggling, ofter to help. 9 times out of 10 the person will be so appreciative.

6)Lend us your ear. Like anything that has to do with parenting, it can be stressful. Again we have our good days and bad. Sometimes we just need to have a person that is willing to let us rant and vent.

7) Be patient with us. That is hard to ask when this world is such a fast pace place. We are trying. We are trying to do our best with child who experiences the world differently. Something that doesn't necessarily effect you, is magnified for them.

8) Be Kind. Kindness goes along way. Opening the door for someone, helping someone in the parking lot or even paying for a cup of coffee for someone who looks like they could use a pick me up. Or without stating the obvious, tell someone one they have a beautiful child or family.

9) Let us know that you care and that its ok to have days where life feels upside down.

10) Accept Us. Don't judge us. We may do things a little differently than what the parenting books out there are saying. But we are on our own journey with our children. Just as you are on your journey with yours.


We all live on this planet together. We all experience life differently from each other. I am not saying that what I wrote is gospel, but it would appreciated if there was a little understanding for the shoes that we walk in.

To Woody and the Gang, With Love....

First off, Thank You. I say thank you for the joy that you have given our children.

We started our journey with you and the Gang back in 2005. My eldest at the time was 1. He had instantly fallen in love with you, Buzz Lightyear. From there we were hooked. But it wasn't until our daughter came along, where our love of everything Toy Story began to happen.

Buzz, there was something about you, that made a Space Ranger out of our boy. You peaked the imagination in this young one. Dreams of protecting the galaxy to exploring the stars. You kept him safe as he slumbered into his dreamland. You made sure he had a constant buddy. 

Woody, it was your face and welcoming smile that won the heart of our daughter. You see, she is autistic and her connection to you was unbreakable. You were the constant in her life. That familiar face when times got tough. She brought you to doctor appointments, as your smile would help her get through situations she didn't know how to process.You started her first day of school with her. Being military, you have been to CA, HI and now MD. But you have made being a military child less stressful.

Then came along Jessie. You girl. Jessie, she could identify  with you. She loved you from the minute she laid eyes on you. From your bright red yarn hair, right down to the spurs on your cowgirl boots. You joined Woody and Buzz. Our girl would try so hard to yodel like you. Even though, she couldn't find her words, she would imitate your words and actions. The year we had your costume from boots to hat, was one of the best Hallowe'en our girl had. You were her hero. You still are her hero.

As we go into a new period of our lives with our third child, also with Autism, you guys are still a constant in our lives. Again we are faced with another child who has difficulty getting his words out. But the one constant one that comes out so clearly is, Woody. And like his sister, you come everywhere with us. You are that comfort. You are that reassuring face that lets him know, he has a friend helping him through his journey.  He can't quite get out Buzz or Jessie, but you guys are with him as well.

We have carried on that love for you guys.

So when Disney-Pixar created all of you guys, I don't think they fully understood just how much you all are loved. I don't know if they knew the full scope you would reach. Just within the Autism Community, you are a staple. We parents joke that we all have memorized your movies, as we have seen them more times than we have fingers and toes put together. But its because of that we see that joy that you all have given our children.

You have been with us since 2005. Your faces have brought so much joy to our children. For us, despite that you are missing a hand and a foot, or that you are scraped and your hair worn, or that Buzz your helmet has seen better days, you are still very much loved and played with by our children..

And with that, I will sign off.

Many Thanks,
From this very grateful Parent.

Why the stories of Our discriminated Veterans are important.

We can learn a lot from our history. What happened in the past can dictate what we do now. From discoveries to social attitudes. Recently, in one of my flipping threw the channel episodes, I landed on the History Channel. I love everything that has to with History. But the program that was on was about the African Americans that fought during WWII.

 Now with anything that is done in regards to our Veterans peaks my interest. I like to hear their stories. Sometimes its hard, but their stories are our history. This one particular documentary, got me. It got me because on top of everything those men had to endure just being in a world war, they were also dealing with the astronomical amount of racism and discrimination thrown at them.  Their stories were combined with both Honor, Valor, Strength and Courage but with racism and discrimination. Now the sad part is, is that it didn't just happen to the African Americans.It happened to the Navajo Code breakers, it  happened to the Japanese Americans and the Chinese Americans who served.It is sad to me that people who were willing to fight and die for their country weren't even considered worthy of the highest medal award to those in the service, The Medal of Honor. The Medal of Honor is the United States of America's highest military honor, awarded for personal acts of valor above and beyond the call of duty.Now I know that a vast majority of our Veterans were fine examples of what it took to earn this award. But did they? There were no Medal of Honor issued to those who were Asian, African American and Native American during WWII. It wasn't until 1993 when a  study commissioned by the Army investigated racial discrimination in the awarding of medal, that medals started being awarded to those who deserved to have that recognition.

For me when I see the military today, I still see the mistakes made of long before happening. As time does go by changes are being made. We have come some distance.  The discrimination that the LGBT community faced while serving in the Military has changed. You can be gay and proudly serve. Right now its about getting same sex spouses the recognition they deserve. But there are still those who chose to live inside their little box and not accept people for who they are. Since 911, the Muslims who proudly serve are facing discrimination. It has shifted from the colour of one's skin to sexual origination and religion. Have we really learned from the mistakes of the past?  Are we many years from now going to have a President that is going to start awarding all those Medals of Honor to those who didn't get one because someone didn't like the way lived their lives or how they practiced their religion?

If you have read my posts, I mostly talk about acceptance. I am under the firm belief that people should be treated with equality. It doesn't matter what station in life you are from. I don't care. People shouldn't care. If you serve your country with Honor, Strength, Valor and Courage, you should be noted for doing so. If people are willing to serve their country and die for their country, they deserve the up most respect from those they protect, regardless of skin colour, sexual origination and religion.

 One of the things that stuck out for me in this documentary, was a Welsh Man talking about the African Americans in his village during WWII. He had stated that they couldn't be in the same pubs as the White soldiers, because a lot of the white soldiers had an issue sharing the same space with the African American soldiers. It bothered him, because as he thought that the United States of America was the land of the free, it seemed to him that the African American soldiers were not allowed to be free, but here they are fighting along side countrymen and for a country that treated them less than human.

Something to think about.

When I wear my child's shoes..

The minute we become parents, all we want is what is best for our children. We will go to the four corners of the universe in order to make sure our children are taken care of. For all of us parenting is a learning experience. We grow with our children, just as they grow up to be the adults they will be. They sometimes are our teachers. They make us aware that we were once children too. With our own struggles, our own joys. The experiences we had as children can translate to how we deal with our own.

When my youngest was first diagnosed with Autism. I knew what I had learned from the first child we had that was diagnosed with Autism.  But as we went along, it was quite clear that both of my autistic children were different. Yes they had the same disorder, but they both presented differently. It was very hard for me to relate to either of them. I do my best to make sure they will have the services and medical attention they will need to grow and prosper. But I didn't know how to relate to them. It wasn't until my eldest was diagnosed with ADHD, that I actually sat back and looked back. I went so far back, right to my own childhood.


My own childhood had its struggles. Sure I struggled to fit in, got bullied often. Had bad hair cuts and teeth that pointed six different directions from Tuesday. But it was my struggles that I had academically that I was focused on. Looking back, I see where I was similar to my children. All three of them. It wasn't until I had hit junior high(middle school, for some folks) that it was finally brought to my parents attention that I might have a learning disability with some attention issues. I went to have my neuropsych done. And sure enough, there it was. Plain as day. I did have a learning disability and ADD. At the time I wasn't told what was going on. All I knew was that I could barely put a sentence together and math was just a bunch of numbers.  At the time, I didn't think much of it and was told that I was lazy. All this information, I didn't know until I was an adult.

Lazy. That word. Lazy. When my eldest was diagnosed, that word came up. I fought so hard to get tests done for this child. What he was going through, echoed what my childhood was. I knew that pain and frustration. I know what it is like to try to get out what you want to say down on tests and get nothing. I know what its like to have teacher not have faith in you and label you "Lazy". For the first time in my parenting years, I felt that I could relate to my children.

I knew what it was like to wear their shoes.

My children have been through so much. They have done remarkably well with what life has thrown at them. Through, the bullies, through the struggle to just get a passing grade, through the maze it is just being a child, they have do amazing.  And in all of that, they have reminded me about a time where I wore their shoes.

I know the road they will walk in those shoes. I understand the hurdles they will face on this road. These three little souls will know that just because it seems impossible now, they will know that someone has walked in their shoes. 

Bullies.

Bullies...

I get you. I do. Whether you are a child who is one or an Adult that is one. I hear you loud and clear. You want your message to be heard by the world that you are badass.  But you see I am on to you. The trick to you is that you are insecure. Yup I said it.

INSECURITY!

I am willing to bet that there is some aspect of your life that you are simply not happy with. And in order for you to feel better about yourself, you find the weakest link. Half the time its those that are smaller than you. Or the ones you think are emotionally cracked. Or it could be the ones that you are jealous of. They have something you wish you had. So in order to make yourself look like the bigger person, you boost yourself by making others feel bad. Its that very short emotional high that you get from that, that you crave. See. I get you.

But here is the deal... lean in real close.. You listening..?  You are better than that.

If you are an Adult that bullies, whether it be in real life or here online. You are better than that. Why? Well take a look at the people you troll. What do they have  that you don't and wished you had? Then take a look at yourself. Where in your life are you suffering? I bet that there is something in there that needs to be addressed. That one thing that you refused to fix because you simply don't want to. Its easier to get that emotional high from others.

Parents of bullies.  Attitudes begin at home. Children are a product of their own environment. They are like these little sponges. So if they hear you call someone "Retarded", "Stupid", "Ugly" or any other derogatory name, 9 times out of 10 they are going to think that is acceptable to call someone else. So when you are getting hauled in to the school because your child is calling someone something bad or that they have successfully made someone feel worse about themselves, ask yourself where would they learn that behavior. What is going on in your child's life that would make them insecure about something. Because when it comes to a child that bullies, its all about insecurity.

Sadly as this world is turning towards the age of Social Media, the bulling that purely existed in the hallways of schools or within the confines of an office space, has reached the depths of the internet. Online bullying is quickly becoming one of the main reasons for suicides among the teens and our 20 somethings.It is only recently that laws have been put in place to now charge people of online bullying. 

So there you have it. Take it for what it is. The more of us that get challenged by those who don't think about their words, we are fighting back. We are on to you. And we are teaching our children the skills they will need when you strike. So if you need to feel better about yourself by belittling others, then take a step back and look at yourself and your life. See where you can improve so you don't have to suck it out of someone else.

I will say this, you bully my child, and you will feel the wrath of a parent. And if you are parent that has a child that is relentless in their bullying, you will be held responsible for your child's actions. This a reason you don't mess with Momma Bear.