To the Guy in the Truck who screamed at my son...

To the Guy who was late for work,

I get that its Monday. We all get that it's Monday. In fact everyone most likely has a cause of the Mondays, but here is the deal, if you are late for work and having a crappy morning because of it, that is all on you. Nobody else. So screaming out of your big truck, " Get that F*CKING Retard on the Bus" and laying on your horn is not going to help you in the slightest. It just shows the world just what kind of a person you really are. A person with a very small heart and not enough love to give to the world.

I don't know the situation you are in that prompted you to scream at my son as he got on the bus, but let me tell you about ours, since you felt the need to scream a derogatory name at him. You see, he can't help being the way he is. Some days we move at turtle speed and some days we don't. Some days he is co-operative with his bus aide and some days he is not. He is, but a child. A child that has special needs. He can't help that the world is magnified 10x more than it is for you. He gets caught up in all 5 of his senses some days, which distracts him. But you sounding your horn and screaming at him, will not make him move any faster. And it is only going to anger me.

Now I don't want to think the worst of you. I truly hope that maybe you were just late for work and were frustrated that you managed to find yourself behind a bus or that in the heat of that frustration you said the wrong things. We humans do that from time to time, but the fact that as you drove past me, you felt the need to also further your seat in the " Asshole of the Day" club, you flipped me the middle finger. So all those possible hopes that I might of had for you to be decent person, were lost.

I hope that one day, you never have to experience the heartache that most of us special needs parents have to deal with sometimes on a daily basis. I hope that, that level of ignorance, cold hearted, mean spirited behavior never enters your world. Sure I could wish a bunch of bad things upon your person, but I am better than that. I hope that in time you will come to realize that acting so disrespectfully to someone, will get you nowhere. That people will see you for who you really are. A very small, ignorant, close minded person. They will judge you for being that person.

And for my son, the bus is his favorite part of his day, and I am not going to let people like you ruin that for him. There are so many little joys that, that boy has and the bus is one of them. With everything thing he has going on in his life, he doesn't need another person who doesn't understand making his life worse.

Very Respectfully,

The Advocate of a Little Boy who deserves to respected as a Human Being.


Note: I know that this person is never going to see this. But I wanted to write about it, for all those who have been dealing with no so nice people and the daily idiocy of those who can't be bother to be a decent human being.  

Fighting the Demons Within

Before I even say a word, I am going to point out that everyone has their own demons to fight. It doesn't matter were you are in your life, we all have our own separate demons that we battle in our way.

Some could look at me and see a fairly optimistic person, who is cheerful, always smiling and generally happy person, but in reality, I am dying inside. Behind that person I present to the world, is a person who is fragile, anxious, nervous, scatterbrained, depressed person.Being as that is who I am on the inside it sometimes is hard for me to break through those barriers to try to present myself as that person that everyone sees.

I am not going to lie to myself or others out there who are fighting their own demons, that depression is a scapegoat to how I or they feel when faced with an epic case of the blues. Nor is it something that people should ridicule with idiot questions like " Oh they will snap out of it.. " or "What do you have to be depressed about?" For those of us who do have clinical  depression, trying to explain to people the why and the hows of a mental illness gets tedious. Like everything else going on in our lives, we own no one an explanation. Depression is that demon that everyone deal with differently. What could work for one person, isn't going to work with another.. " Oh just go on antidepressants for awhile, till your mood lightens up..." It doesn't work that way. Most people think that medication is an easy fix. Its not. It helps, sure, but it isn't always the answer. People don't get that its a combination of things. Like going to therapy and taking medication. Trying to sort out what is going on inside your head sometimes is the biggest demon of all and with that battle you need help.

I am going to get candid for a moment about my own struggle with my own demons. On the outside, I seem a pretty happy person. I enjoy the company of others, I like to help when I can and I can have a good laugh, but on the inside, I have all these worries and emotions that dig at me, and while I try my best to keep those at bay, there are times where I can't seem to keep those demons off my back. I am not afraid to admit that I medicate and that I go to therapy. Two things that have helped, but even with those two very important things, I still have my days, where I would like to sink into my dark cave. For those who don't understand what it is like, here is the best way I can describe it. Imagine if you will, being stuck, no matter how much you try, you aren't going anywhere, but far off into the distance you see where the light is at the end of the tunnel. You struggle so much to get moving towards that light, but it is a very slow process. Sometimes there is things that help you move a little faster and then it either stops or slows down. But your goal is to try to get to that light source, which is your happiness. This is my battle.

What I hate is the misconception that mental health is not considered a priority to most. It is considered weak to admit that you might be depressed, anxious or stressed out. It is considered an invisible ailment. One of the reasons I write is to try and get my thoughts in order, but it is also a way to bring to light a problem that most of the population suffers from, but yet won't get help for, thanks to all those misconceptions.

I know that sometimes it is difficult to admit that you might need help. Whether or not it is medication, therapy or both. I know that look on people's faces when you say you are in therapy or you mention you are on medication. "They must being nuts, or off their rocker" I get it. But for those times you feel stuck and are battling those demons alone, know that you don't have to do it alone.

One thing to be said is that, I am ok with my mental state. Its not perfect and it needs constant work. I admit that yes, I do medicate and I do go to therapy, clearly I am trying to take care of myself and there is no shame in that.

For all those who want to dispel what depression is like, consider this, your feet are stuck in a spot, for which you cannot move and what you want in life is a few feet ahead of you all while trying to deal with those demons life throws at you, try and get it. I dare you and without help, you aren't going to get what you want. Depression is just like that. Being stuck in your own mind and trying desperately to move forward when you can't.

For those who are truly in need of help, please get help.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Your Child's health is important to us.Blah, Blah Blah.

Its been a long week. Between trying to get back into the workplace after a 14 year absence and getting children back to school as well as juggle my schedule with my husband's to say that I am stretched a little thin is an understatement. I know that there are others that are rowing in the same boat I am all while trying to make sure our children are taken care off. So when we have something that makes our lives that little bit harder, we tend to grit our teeth, hunker down for the battle that needs to be fought and do what needs to get done.

I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that the people who do the administrative work in regards to my child's healthcare are people who strike me as ones who don't like their job very much. On top of being literally exhausted, I am finding that I am doing the administrative work of someone who should know better. This has been an ongoing struggle in the management of my youngest child, because his life is a little bit more complicated than the other two, it seems that so is the paper chase on getting appointments and procedures done. While I commend the people who genuinely help me through it all, there are the ones who road block me at every single turn. I know in the past that I have written about how I don't think its fair that a child, who can't help having a genetic disorder, who gets treated like just another number or statistic.As a parent it truly frustrates me to no end, when administrative staff of big medical centres or hubs talk about your child in that manor. It is also especially maddening when you are the one doing the job they are supposed to be doing, contacting your insurance to make sure things are covered or tracking down referrals, but there is nothing more infuriating that a person who completely screws you over, because of their unwillingness to do their job correctly.

For the fourth time this year, I have had to pull up my big girl socks, put my butt kick boots on and prepare for battle because someone in their infinite wisdom thought it was ok to mess with my child's healthcare. Yet again I had to cancel an appointment at a "Top" Medical Centre here in the area, because someone within their admin department can't get their shit together. Again we are talking about a five year old child, who can't help having something that requires extra doctors and services. I get that doing paperwork all day is monotonous. I have had that job, but at least when I did that job, I did it with pride. Why? BECAUSE IT WAS MY JOB! Every time I complain I get the same response "Your Child's health is important to us..."

So when is that going to be actually true? I mean as soon as you cut through all of the red tape and obstacles that have been lined up in front of you, you might get a decent doctor and medical staff that actually wants to help you out. But it is a sad reality for most of us, that by the time we get through all the administrative crap, we are so exhausted that we have to ask ourselves, "Is it worth it?"

The answer is yes. As much as it pisses us off that our children and loved ones are treated this way, we still must continue to make sure they are getting the best care they can. We continue to fight those who don't care about the job they do or those who think of your child or loved one as simply a number they have to deal with during a day.

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that We, at the moment don't have another option for the medical my child is receiving, I would have walked out the door and never looked back. We are trying to make life easier, not harder.

Instead of getting annoyed at us caregivers when we ask you do your job or telling us because someone on your end messed up that we are financially responsible because the referral isn't where it should be, how about you treat us with respect and not idiots? Good Customer service goes a long way. And if you serve the public and you don't feel like doing your job, then look for another one that doesn't deal with us.

As for my situation, well I am just going to keep complaining till something gets down about a problem that is vital to my son's well being, as that is what a parent is all about. As my child is not just number and I am certainly not a person you can placate with false statements that you care about my child's well being.