Saturday, April 6, 2013

Saying Goodbye isn't Fun..

Goodbyes are never easy. I don't care people say, saying goodbye is one the hardest things someone can do. Whether it be to something they love, a pet or a person. The emotion that is behind saying Goodbye is gut wrenching.That deep sadness that overwhelms the senses to a point where you can't think of anything else.

Saying Goodbye is something that we military families do quite often. Sadly it doesn't get easier. As each deployment, it is different. There is never a deployment that is the same. Kids get older, understand more, sometimes you are in a different duty station from the last or you have a different support network. There are similarities. That week before your spouse leaves is always the same. Trying to find time to spend time together, trying to get all those last minute things done before they go, make sure they spend time with the kids and the packing. My husband has been deployed for more that half our marriage, but there is something about watching a Seabag get packed up that makes my heart drop. I think its because it makes the deployment more real. That is why it tugs at the heart strings. The emotion and build up to saying Goodbye is always the same.

I often wonder this affects the children. As they see the world differently, they are also trying to understand emotions.Sometimes they don't always understand why they are feeling the way they do. Goodbyes can be a confusing time for children. They want to be angry at the situation, they want to be sad or both. Both of those emotions are perfectly normal to have. Especially when the child understands more of why they have to say Goodbye. Now in my case, I have children on the Spectrum. We all know that kids on the spectrum feel things on a completely different sphere. Saying Goodbye means something different. Either it is a change in a routine or their norm or its a not really understanding why. We can go from a complete meltdown or show no emotion about it what so ever. That doesn't mean they don't notice a change. I see this with my own children. My eldest is mad and sad about saying goodbye to his father when he deploys, where my two on the spectrum, notice, ask a bizillion questions, draw pictures of Daddy in and on everything.That is how they cope with saying goodbye. The coping mechanisms of children is interesting to watch sometimes. One thing they have all proven is how strong they are. Saying Goodbye to a parent or a loved one every other year is not easy. They have their good days and bad days. Where things will be said, things will remind them of the person they said goodbye to. But their ability to just be children, despite the hardship shows Strength and Courage.

Everyone hates saying goodbye unless its to something horrible, then its ok. You can say goodbye to the horrible things in life.If you are saying goodbye to something that will change your life, that is ok too. Some Goodbyes need to be said for the better.

 Despite being married to the military for almost 11 years, I still have a hard time with goodbyes as it never gets any easier. There is always that sadness, sometimes that little bit of anger. But I have found that goodbyes don't last ever. Eventually you get to say "Hello" again. And that is warm, fuzzy feeling especially when you are saying it to someone you love.