I know that I am going to get a lot of flack for the title alone. But please hear me out. I, like many other families out there, either are struggling with how to correctly care for our autistic loved ones or dealing with the outside world's prospective of what living with Autism actually is like, are tired. Tired of a lot things that get associated or even our reality when it comes to Autism. That doesn't mean to say that we dislike or hate our loved ones, but its to say that we are run down, tired, exhausted and quite frankly just a tad annoyed, again not at the person, but the disorder. Autism, like many other things that a human can have, has its moments of "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT??!" We can hate a disease, as we see what it can to do people we love. So with that, the day I told Autism to fuck off.
Anyone who reads my blog or follows me on Facebook and or Twitter, knows that I am a mother of three very awesome children. Three amazing little persons that I am truly in awe of. But as a parent, especially looking at the two that are on the spectrum, I see their struggle with trying to find themselves. Trying to navigate through this world, that is magnified beyond my own comprehension. I see their struggle just to feel part of a group, no matter how hard they try, there is always going to be a time where they are not going to be accepted. I see their struggle just to try and understand tasks that are put in front of them. Things that can be so basic to you and I, are some of the toughest for them.No parent wants to see their child struggle, and yes I know that struggle is a part of life, but its two fold for those who have Autism. They have to work harder more than the average person.
I always say that life is what you make of it. Its going to be challenging at times or it can be breeze. Most of us special needs parents are presented with a nice wide range of difficulties when we try to make sure our children prosper and grow. It doesn't matter where we are or who we are with, since a good portion of the general public refuses to educate themselves, we are always going to be up against those who feel the need to cast the stares, whisper under abated breath or even have the balls to come and tell us our children need to be institutionalized. No one is going to do that if your child isn't stimming, flapping their limbs or screeching like a banshee because they can't help it. No one is going look at you twice if your child is sitting quietly in a stroller. For some reason, its ok to do that to parents and caregivers of those who are Autistic.
As a parent of special needs children, I am well within my right to be annoyed and angry at something that causes my children strife. I am allowed to feel the way I do, as I am the person that eats.sleeps and breathes what causes my children to struggle. I know in my heart that it isn't my children's fault that this is the life they were given. But god damn it, in my sleep depraved state, I am allowed to not like disease or disorder my children have.
So on those days, where the ignorance is running high, I am working on maybe 2 hours of sleep, the stimming is off the charts, the perservations and the scripting are enough to make a saint lose their patience and I am holding it together with a cup of coffee, a prayer and the strength to know this too shall pass, yeah Autism can fuck off.
Again I will state, that I love my children with every shred of my being. I will go to the ends of this god forsaken planet in order for them to have a fulfilling life on their terms. It ain't going to be easy and the path is going to suck, but that is my job as a parent.