Saturday, November 9, 2013

I am not going to apologize....

Part of my nature is that I am forever apologizing for things, regardless if they are my fault. I apologize for things that are beyond my control or that I had nothing to do with. Its a fault of mine. Maybe its because I am Canadian or maybe not. I don't know.

Its like I am a serial apologizier. Its like an addiction. The sad part is its me trying to please everyone. In someway it goes back to my childhood of trying to make sure everyone is happy. Adulthood has definitely taught me that there is no pleasing everyone, not even with an apology.  So here goes..

I will not apologize for feeling the way I feel sometimes. Whether it be angry, sad or happy. I will not bow down to those who want to invalidate my feelings. There is a reason I feel the way I do. Its called being emotional. There is nothing wrong with that. I am going to have my highs and my lows.There are times where I feel sad over situations or resentment when it seems that the world is perfect on the outside and I am struggling in the inside. But there are the highs that make it all worth while.  Everyone has their own Emotional Roller Coaster they ride. The trick is finding people who will ride it with you. And not apologize to those who won't. 

I will not apologize for my children. Unless they have done something harmful or destructive. I have three children that have their own special needs. Two of which are autistic and the other one with ADHD.  Yes they are loud when they have meltdowns when overstimulated. Yes its like a circus when we go anywhere. Its not their fault that the world is somewhat different to them. Its not their fault that they are wired different from the rest of the NT children. They are good, sweet kids. I will not apologize to people who can't see with their heart rather than their eyes.

I will not apologize for my parenting choices. They are the ones that work for my family. People who don't get it, well they don't have to live by my rules and boundaries when it comes to my children. I will not apologize for inoculating them or the therapies I fight for them to have. I will certainly not apologize for being fierce when it comes to my children. They all have their own journeys to travel, some of the road is hard, some of it will be a breeze. But they certainly don't need the ignorance of those around them hindering them. I will not apologize for teaching them to accept themselves and defending their person. They will learn that they are valuable to this world.

I will not apologize for being human. With that I make mistakes. We all do.To Err is to be Human. We live in this world that is so critical of others that we forget that we too make mistakes. Learn from them. And to the people that can't accept that, well wouldn't be nice to live in a perfect world.

Most importantly, I will not apologize for being me. No one should have to apologize for that. I am an emotional fun bag of crazy on good days. I am also a wife, a mother, a daughter, sister and a friend. I am a person who has anxiety and wears her emotions on her sleeve that can jump to the worst possible conclusion faster than the speed of light. I am a good person. My heart is in the right place. I try. I will not apologize to society that isn't willing to get to know me.

So in the end, I will not apologize for this post.