It is a lesson my mother is still trying to teach me. I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. Its a hard lesson, which is why I am still learning it. As a parent with special needs children your automatic response to things is always explanatory. You so desperately want people to understand the reasoning to why you are doing something a certain way or why your child is doing something they can't control. You go into teaching mode, whether or not they care or not. In the end, you don't owe anyone anything.
One of the reasons most of us do it, is because we want the other party to have some sort of understanding to our situation so we don't have to deal with the ignorant looks or murmurs. Sometimes we reach people and sometimes we don't. If you don't want us to drone on and on about why our child is 7 and still in pull ups, stop judging. Or if you don't want a lecture about why our child is super excited about the train that goes around the cheese section at Wegman's, don't give us a disgusted look as you walk by. Believe me, we get sick of sounding like a broken record player every time Judgey McJudgerson gives us their two cents. Special needs parents don't owe you anything.
The real trick to this lesson is when you are struggling. Whether it be a something big in your life or something small. It is your struggle and yours alone. It is your story to tell if you choose to. If you don't, well again you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not yourself. This personally has been one of the toughest lessons I have struggled with. For me, I do want people to understand that the reason I might be snippy or a little down is because of something that is going on in my life. It isn't a personal attack, but that I am struggling with something, that I need time to sort out. I am fortunate enough to have family and friends that respects that. They check in on me to make sure I am staying afloat, knowing that in my own time I will have a conversation if I want to about things. They know I don't owe them anything.
Manage your life the best way you know. Nobody knows yourself better than you. Take your meds freely. See your doctors and therapists when you need to. Your health is your business and you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why.
Be your badass self. Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. Rock the multi coloured hair, tattoos, piercings. Practice the religion you identify with. Love the person who respects you and knows your worth. You don't owe anyone an explanation for you being yourself. Love the things that make you smile. Sports, comic books, movies, books, video games, whatever. If it makes you smile and gives you joy. You don't owe anyone anything.
Even now as I am one one of my explanatory rants, I do feel the need to explain why I haven't written or tended to my page as I should. I know that most of you will understand that life happens. Things in people's lives happen without rhyme or reason and we all have to push forward from our struggles to make it all work out. In our own time. The outside world be damned.
Your story is your own. Its yours to share if you want to. Let people speculate. Let people do their best with the judgement. You do what works for you. You do what works for your family, through the good times and bad. Yes there are times where even I, feel that I need to explain myself in order for the other person to get a glimpse into what my world is like. Do I think they care? Nope. But I got it out there. I took care of my overwhelming need to make people understand, that their comments and actions are unwarranted and quite frankly none of their business. Judgey McJudgerson can fuck off, as I don't owe them anything.