Friday, September 13, 2013

When Anxiety rears it's ugly head...

I suffer from Anxiety. Really Bad. And I have tried my best to keep under wraps for so long as I did not want people to see that side of me. In a sense I am embarrassed by it. Who wants to admit that they can't put one foot in front of the other, paralyzed and can't breathe. No one wants to admit that. It is a very ugly side of myself that I pray doesn't come out in public.

Luck hasn't been on my side lately and I failed at keeping my anxiety in check yesterday. I could not get myself out the door to go pick my kids from school. I had to rely on friends. Anyone who knows me, knows I hate asking for help as I feel like I am imposing. I managed to walk myself up to the school with my youngest in tow, during a violent thunderstorm, shaking. Trying to keep my composure. I honestly wanted to vomit. People staring at me like I was bat shit crazy. I hate that feeling.

I hate that people assume things about you when you are going through stuff like this. Nobody knows what it is like, unless they have gone through it themselves. Its hard to admit sometimes as it is kind of embarrassing as you don't think people are going to understand. Granted some will, but most won't. You hear the whispers behind your back and it just hurts even more. Makes you want to keep it all the more secret.

I am writing this as I need to get my thoughts out. For me to accept that its ok. I know there are other people out there that suffer from Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

 I am ok now. I have medication to help. I guess I am sharing this aspect of my life in case there are others out there rowing in the same boat.