Celebrating the Holidays with an Autistic Flare

With the summer Holidays picking up, its easy to get caught up in the festivities. The parties, the cookouts, the fireworks and the large venues. This time of year is often difficult for some, as all of those things can be difficult to handle. It can be a sensory overload, even for the regular person. When you throw Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder into the mix, it makes things a little harder.

I find that this time of year is more difficult than Christmas. Now don't get me wrong, Christmas is also stressful, as someone in our house doesn't like Santa Claus. A topic for another time. For us, its the large crowds,the fireworks and being out of our school routine. I love fireworks. Growing up in Canada, we didn't have neighbourhood displays of fireworks. It was illegal and you couldn't buy them. You had to go watch the City fireworks display. Even back then when I was little, I still didn't like the loudness of it. And I can see how that would startle a child and make them fearful. Now that I have children of my own and see the very violent reaction they have for all things loud and overwhelming, I have an understanding of why things like fireworks or large venues might not be ok for some.

I am often asked why we don't do the huge celebrations.When I explain that I have two autistic children who can't tolerate large venues, 9 times out of 10, I get " Wow.. that must really suck for you.." Now I know that most people don't mean that as insult. If you don't live with it, you aren't going to understand the ins and outs of Autism. I get that. I honestly don't think that the average everyday person doesn't comprehend the full extent of what it means to deal with an Autistic sensory overload. Or what it means to always having to be on full alert because you have a child that bolts or wanders. That doesn't mean to say that all autistic people are like that. I just know my two and it could be different for someone else.

So I always say that we are celebrating our holidays in our own way. It doesn't make us any less patriotic or festive. There are lots of thing we do that are fun and still maintains the spirit of the holiday.

* We keep it local. Neighbourhood cookouts. Fun, easy and the kids are in their own environment. They can go inside your house if things get to overwhelming for them and they can take a sensory break.

* We like to make our own festive decorations. It doesn't have to be anything too fancy. Sometimes a Flag drawn by your little one can one of the best decorations, as you know it was done with love and by someone who worked hard to do it.

* We love to bake. Everyone likes to help bake. And that can also help with the sensory input. The different types of things that go into baking. And we know the end result is something yummy.

* Sometimes we like to read stories that pertain to the holiday we are celebrating. Or look at pictures of different ways others celebrate.

These are just some of the things we do in this house, that have helped us. We keep it simple or we try to. I want my children to enjoy celebrations like the 4th of July. I want them to have fond memories of it. And sometimes, We as parents have to find ways to help accommodate the special needs of our children. And if the rest of the world doesn't understand that, well, they are welcome to come take my children to a large venue with everything loud and then deal with the meltdown that I can guarantee will happen times two.

[Circle of Moms Top 25 Military Moms - 2013 - Vote for me!]

Ever look at yourself as a Pie?

Ever look at yourself as a pie? With Slices? How each of those slices make up a whole? I know I am talking about fractions on a 3rd grade level, but think about it....

I look at all the slices that make up me and how each slice makes up me. Right now I am the most important person in my children's lives(next to Daddy, he's cool, but no one beats Momma). I am the caretaker of all things regarding these children. I am a walking day planner for three people. Its a wonder that I can keep everyone on schedule. There is a reason I call my cell phone my second brain. I truly would be lost without it. Momma is one of the jobs I think has to be selfless. You do need to put your needs aside sometimes to accommodate those who still need guidance and navigation in this world. . A role that is part of me, its just a slice that makes a whole pie. And pie is awesome btw.

I am Wife. A Navy Wife. I write about often the ups and downs of that. I support my husband and his job. I will go with whatever the Military throws at me or gives me. Its what I do. Another slice of that pie that is me.

I am Canadian. Which will always be part of me. No matter where I am living in the world, my heritage will always be a part of me.

But I am more that. I look at all the things that make up me. I am open minded. I am kind. I think about things on a philosophical level. I like Poppies. I love Chocolate. I love being outdoors. I love to Barbeque. I am an emotional person. All these things are part of that pie.

I think sometimes we tend to get lost in our roles in society, that we lose ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I gladly wear my Momma and Wife badges with pride. But it boils down to Who am I? Really? We are always trying to change ourselves to conform to what we think society wants to see. But have you ever looked deep down and looked at yourself for you are and discovered that you are this very unique individual. You have all these things to offer the world. I think its hard for people to come out from under their roles in life to see the awsomeness that they hold on to.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, don't be afraid to let be people see you for who you are. Don't let your job, labels or disability define who you are on the inside. There are always going to be people on this planet that see faults and the mistakes. Ignore them. Make them realize just what they are miss out on by concentrating on the bad stuff.

I say enjoy that pie that is yourself. Every last slice of it. Savor it. Each slice makes up you.

Myself, I am a glorious warm pumpkin pie.

 

The lesson Gay Equality has taught us.. Psst.. its the same one from the 60's...

As I watch my brothers and sisters rejoice in the landmark decisions made by the Supreme Court of this fine country, I can't help but wonder if we have learned our lessons. The Gay's right for equality is eerily familiar to that of the African Americans of the 1950's, 1960's and even the 1970's. Have we truly learned from our mistakes or are we going to be going through this in another 30 years for something else? When does the treatment of others, who are human beings, just as you are, going to get a fair shot at the necessities of life?

What people don't get is that this all translates into everyone's life. Mine, yours and our children's. Isn't what we all want is to be accepted for ourselves? That changing yourself to make society like you is wrong.We, in the Special Needs Community ask the very same thing the Gay and Lesbian Community, accept us. Accept us for all that we are. Don't mock us because we don't form to the same mold.

It is very interesting to watch everything unfold. To hear and see the fight that people have to go through just to be accepted in this society. I think we need learn from this as we didn't learn from the past. What this has taught us is that we never want to stop fighting for acceptance. Persistence. 

I write this because all we are, are humans. Simply living on this planet. We need to accept one another for who we are as individuals. Celebrate a person's uniqueness. Love them for who they are. Gay, Straight, Black, White, Asian, Middle Eastern, Hispanic.Even with disabilities. It doesn't matter what you have or which disease affects you. We are on this planet to live, love and be happy.

For The Deployed Parents....

Dear Deployed Parent,

I know life is tough being far away from your family. It isn't easy. It never will be. Deployments suck. Plain and simple.

You all, do a job that requires you to be away from your family. I get that and thousands of other military families get that. We understand. We will always honor the service you have given this country. The sacrifices you have made. The memories and milestones missed. We, the military community understand that.

Take to heart that your children miss your presence. The memories you do make with them, stay with them. You are in their dreams, playing games, reading stories and giving those awesome hugs. You are in their conversation. When they speak of you, there is such pride in their voices. You are in their drawings and art work. Frolicking with the hand turkeys or a simple family portrait. You are with them in their creative play. GI Joe or Barbie always becomes Daddy or Momma.

Sometimes you are what evokes such powerful emotions in them that they can't understand why they feel they way they do. They don't always understand the "why" of your job. And they don't want you to go. Take that as a sign that you are such a good parent that your children miss you. Take it as your children are strong enough to cope, but they know that the day will come when they will see you again. Homecoming is always an anticipated event.

So to the Deployed Parent, take to heart that you are in the hearts and minds of your children, through pictures, stories and memories. It speaks volumes that your children miss your presence in their lives. It shows that even though you are not with them physically, you are with them spiritually. You are with them every single day. As I know there isn't a day that doesn't go by where you are not asked about or a photo of you isn't cherished. You are loved and never forgotten.

Make those memories that you children hold on to when they can't be near you. 

Sincerely,
A Navy Wife who is grateful for the Service of Many. 

For Alex Spourdalakis.. Another Autistic life Lost.

It saddens me to hear that yet another Autistic child has died. He didn't die because of elopement or drowning. He died at the hands of his own mother. A mother that thought she was doing the right thing. A mother that should have had help for both for herself and her son. She thought in her mind that things would be better for both him and her, if her son didn't live. It is tragic and sad to hear that someone has gotten to that point.

Special Needs Parents all over know the stress that comes with making sure our children have the best quality of life. Its hard. Its hard to think that our children might need extra care when they are adults. That is the thing about parenting. You are on this journey for the good and the bad. Whatever comes down that road, you deal with it as best you can. And if you need to ask for help, then you do it. Its ok to feel overwhelmed. Its ok to worry. But if you are at the end of the rope where you feel that the only option is to kill your child, then its you, yourself that needs some help.

For Alex Spourdalakis, his life was cut short. We will never know what potential this child will have or what kind of impact he would have had on this world. His death has impacted the Autism community as we, parents are shocked that this would have happened. It is very easy to pass judgement on something like this. I would like to hope that this family had support. And it was something that just snapped with his mother. This is a prime example of how we the parents or caregivers need to take care of ourselves as well. Our mental health is just as important as our children's. We are who these kids look up to for guidance, love and support. Its their right to have someone that is stable enough to look after them. Children don't ask to be born. They don't ask to have disabilities either. Our role as parents is to nurture our young, regardless.

I hope that the family of Alex Spourdalakis finds some peace and is able to grieve and hopefully celebrate this young life. I do hope that his mother is able to get the mental help she needs. I don't think she is a vile human being. I think she was a woman that was overwhelmed with her situation.  What she did was wrong. What is sad is that it got to the point where she felt she needed to end his life.

As I write this I think about the stress going on in my life. And believe me when I say, there are times where I wonder just how I got to the point I did. But when I do have those moments in my life, I know to ask someone for help. With Autism being on the raise, we need to be more of a community. Help each other out. Acknowledge that we all have one common element, but we all walk on a different path. Instead of trying to break people down, lift people up. Let them know its ok to feel a certain way. Its ok to be angry or sad. Its ok to say..

" I am doing my best, but I need help..."

Adding a Little Autism Ambiance to your Life.

I am going to be blunt. Last night my evening went to shit. I am really hoping that this is not a prelude to my summer. If it is, I just might run away. I am trying my best. I am but one person, with three children who have all specific special needs. Also to put the cherry on my sundae, a deployed husband. Being stretched thin is an understatement. Although I do wish it was more literal, I could lose a few pounds.

My kids are having a tough go at things. Father being away. One of them dealing with new medications for a condition he doesn't understand. And then the Autism. There is always the Autism. With summer routines starting, the adaption to change takes a while. So we are a little out of sync. And that is ok, as I know it will change and it will get better. But we go through these periods where chaos is the normal.  The military lifestyle transitions so much and sometimes its hard for our children to process that.

I know everyone has their own stuff going on in their lives. I get it. I don't hold anything against people for dealing with their lives. But last evening proved to me on who actually cares and who doesn't.

As I said before I am but one person. So when I look flustered or I am trying to calm my child down from a meltdown, I don't need the parenting advice. I don't need the judgmental looks.I don't need to hear that you know who Temple Grandin and Carly are. Or that you have seen Rainman and that somehow makes you an expert on Autism. Do you know what makes you helpful to a parent with child with Autism, is compassion, understanding, educate yourself. Except that this meltdown is just adding the Autistic Ambiance to my life.

Online Bullies.. Hiding behind the Avatar..

Everyone has an opinion. I have one, you have one and millions of other people have one. Since the emergence of Social Media, it seems to be the perfect platform to express those thoughts and opinions you would never say to a person in real life. This creates the persona of the "Online Bully". What does that mean you ask? Well take a real life bully. A person who is so insecure about something that they have to take it out on those around them. An "Online Bully" is one with that nature to them, but hides behind a picture. Types out those empty threats and then presses send or enter. Thinking they have just got the better of a stranger.

Yesterday I was the target of  "Online Bullies". I will not call myself a victim of their idiot taunts or name calling. As it gave us a look into the truly insecure mind of these people. I made a picture, a while back. A picture that asked for the discontinuation of the word "Retard". A picture that I was most proud of, because it meant something to me. I am a special needs parent who have heard people refer to my children as that. The thing with everything on the Internet, is that most people think everything is free. So the mentality that since you put it out there, its my right to steal it. Well its not. We have copyright laws for a reason. I had a page steal my picture. No biggie. I emailed the page to asked them to properly share the picture so I could be credited for my thought. As the message of that picture came out my head. What resulted after that was incredible and not in a Disney Pixar Way. The name calling and the language was enough to make any of the girls from the  Mean girls Movie blush. But it didn't stop there. It came on my page, because I vented my frustration. Now I am not a prude when it comes to colourful language. I swear. Hell, I am married to a Sailor. But it was the irony of this picture about a name that people get called and all this certain page could do was demonstrate the very point of that picture was trying to make. Interesting look at people who think they advocate for acceptance and this is how they act. Now I used a site called http://www.rottenecards.com/create-card to create the picture. They own the actual picture and the format, but the message is mine.

I get that I am not everyone's cup of tea. And I am open to people having their own thoughts and opinions. But when that level immaturity becomes an issue for myself and the people that follow me, then I feel the need to stick up of my work and those who help defend it.

So the next time a page like this wants to be nasty, instead of just saying "Hey I am sorry, let me do the right thing", you are not going to break me down. I will not let you terrorize my page with name calling and nastiness.I will not let you become a terrorist on my page.I will fight back.

This is my Intellectual Property.