For Alex Spourdalakis.. Another Autistic life Lost.

It saddens me to hear that yet another Autistic child has died. He didn't die because of elopement or drowning. He died at the hands of his own mother. A mother that thought she was doing the right thing. A mother that should have had help for both for herself and her son. She thought in her mind that things would be better for both him and her, if her son didn't live. It is tragic and sad to hear that someone has gotten to that point.

Special Needs Parents all over know the stress that comes with making sure our children have the best quality of life. Its hard. Its hard to think that our children might need extra care when they are adults. That is the thing about parenting. You are on this journey for the good and the bad. Whatever comes down that road, you deal with it as best you can. And if you need to ask for help, then you do it. Its ok to feel overwhelmed. Its ok to worry. But if you are at the end of the rope where you feel that the only option is to kill your child, then its you, yourself that needs some help.

For Alex Spourdalakis, his life was cut short. We will never know what potential this child will have or what kind of impact he would have had on this world. His death has impacted the Autism community as we, parents are shocked that this would have happened. It is very easy to pass judgement on something like this. I would like to hope that this family had support. And it was something that just snapped with his mother. This is a prime example of how we the parents or caregivers need to take care of ourselves as well. Our mental health is just as important as our children's. We are who these kids look up to for guidance, love and support. Its their right to have someone that is stable enough to look after them. Children don't ask to be born. They don't ask to have disabilities either. Our role as parents is to nurture our young, regardless.

I hope that the family of Alex Spourdalakis finds some peace and is able to grieve and hopefully celebrate this young life. I do hope that his mother is able to get the mental help she needs. I don't think she is a vile human being. I think she was a woman that was overwhelmed with her situation.  What she did was wrong. What is sad is that it got to the point where she felt she needed to end his life.

As I write this I think about the stress going on in my life. And believe me when I say, there are times where I wonder just how I got to the point I did. But when I do have those moments in my life, I know to ask someone for help. With Autism being on the raise, we need to be more of a community. Help each other out. Acknowledge that we all have one common element, but we all walk on a different path. Instead of trying to break people down, lift people up. Let them know its ok to feel a certain way. Its ok to be angry or sad. Its ok to say..

" I am doing my best, but I need help..."

Adding a Little Autism Ambiance to your Life.

I am going to be blunt. Last night my evening went to shit. I am really hoping that this is not a prelude to my summer. If it is, I just might run away. I am trying my best. I am but one person, with three children who have all specific special needs. Also to put the cherry on my sundae, a deployed husband. Being stretched thin is an understatement. Although I do wish it was more literal, I could lose a few pounds.

My kids are having a tough go at things. Father being away. One of them dealing with new medications for a condition he doesn't understand. And then the Autism. There is always the Autism. With summer routines starting, the adaption to change takes a while. So we are a little out of sync. And that is ok, as I know it will change and it will get better. But we go through these periods where chaos is the normal.  The military lifestyle transitions so much and sometimes its hard for our children to process that.

I know everyone has their own stuff going on in their lives. I get it. I don't hold anything against people for dealing with their lives. But last evening proved to me on who actually cares and who doesn't.

As I said before I am but one person. So when I look flustered or I am trying to calm my child down from a meltdown, I don't need the parenting advice. I don't need the judgmental looks.I don't need to hear that you know who Temple Grandin and Carly are. Or that you have seen Rainman and that somehow makes you an expert on Autism. Do you know what makes you helpful to a parent with child with Autism, is compassion, understanding, educate yourself. Except that this meltdown is just adding the Autistic Ambiance to my life.

Online Bullies.. Hiding behind the Avatar..

Everyone has an opinion. I have one, you have one and millions of other people have one. Since the emergence of Social Media, it seems to be the perfect platform to express those thoughts and opinions you would never say to a person in real life. This creates the persona of the "Online Bully". What does that mean you ask? Well take a real life bully. A person who is so insecure about something that they have to take it out on those around them. An "Online Bully" is one with that nature to them, but hides behind a picture. Types out those empty threats and then presses send or enter. Thinking they have just got the better of a stranger.

Yesterday I was the target of  "Online Bullies". I will not call myself a victim of their idiot taunts or name calling. As it gave us a look into the truly insecure mind of these people. I made a picture, a while back. A picture that asked for the discontinuation of the word "Retard". A picture that I was most proud of, because it meant something to me. I am a special needs parent who have heard people refer to my children as that. The thing with everything on the Internet, is that most people think everything is free. So the mentality that since you put it out there, its my right to steal it. Well its not. We have copyright laws for a reason. I had a page steal my picture. No biggie. I emailed the page to asked them to properly share the picture so I could be credited for my thought. As the message of that picture came out my head. What resulted after that was incredible and not in a Disney Pixar Way. The name calling and the language was enough to make any of the girls from the  Mean girls Movie blush. But it didn't stop there. It came on my page, because I vented my frustration. Now I am not a prude when it comes to colourful language. I swear. Hell, I am married to a Sailor. But it was the irony of this picture about a name that people get called and all this certain page could do was demonstrate the very point of that picture was trying to make. Interesting look at people who think they advocate for acceptance and this is how they act. Now I used a site called http://www.rottenecards.com/create-card to create the picture. They own the actual picture and the format, but the message is mine.

I get that I am not everyone's cup of tea. And I am open to people having their own thoughts and opinions. But when that level immaturity becomes an issue for myself and the people that follow me, then I feel the need to stick up of my work and those who help defend it.

So the next time a page like this wants to be nasty, instead of just saying "Hey I am sorry, let me do the right thing", you are not going to break me down. I will not let you terrorize my page with name calling and nastiness.I will not let you become a terrorist on my page.I will fight back.

This is my Intellectual Property.

When the Nightmare becomes a Reality.

Last week the Autism Blogger Community came together to support the families of Mikaela, Owen and Drew. With the deaths of these children it brought to light the huge issue, we parents(especially Special Needs parents) have to deal with "Elopement" or "Wandering". It was called upon the Nation to bring awareness to the issue. With so many children out there with autism or other developmental disorders out there, there needs to be more done. Its easy to blame the parents. But when the parent does all they can to prevent elopement and it still happens, why is that called bad parenting?

This weekend, a very real nightmare for me became my reality. My youngest son got out of the house, wandered across a very busy street in our neighbourhood and was found by a group of young men that happened to be driving by and saw this toddler. Within the five minutes it took me to tear the house apart, that is what he managed to do. He figured out the door, which I have locked up,and child locks as well,he took the opportunity of me being in the kitchen and walked out. Now we had company visiting who might have forgot to lock the door, I don't know. But I was lucky. He was lucky. I would like to think he had force looking out for him yesterday. I just kept thinking that people must think I am the worst parent. How could I not know where my children are at all times?

Calming my nerves, I reminded myself that I am not a bad parent. That I do everything in my power to ensure the safety of my children. Sometimes I am little over protective about it. I know that I am but one person doing this whole parenting thing by myself. I know that my spectrum children are wanderers. This will be the fourth time, despite me doing everything I can, that one of my spectrum children have wandered. Thankfully one of them has grown out of it and has attachment issues.I am very thankful that this weekend, my son had something watching over him. I am very thankful for the the group of young men that stopped had guarded my son on the grassy knoll, until they figured out what to do with him. I am very thankful that I was able to put my son to bed last night, and breathe a sigh of relief, as I know there are parents out there have not been able to do that. 

This weekend sucked for me. As I try to move past this, again I will learn from this. People who come to visit, will have to understand and follow the system that works for me. I live this life every single day of my life. I know what these children are capable of. If I have to put a sign on my door to remind people to make sure its closed and locked, I will. I don't expect people to understand. You can't understand something you haven't had to experience. But you can respect the reason why somethings are done a certain way. It may be silly to you. But its serious to me and my children. 

It sucks when a nightmare because a reality.

Is there a Memorial Day Sale on the Ultimate Sacrifice?

In Canada, we don't have Memorial Day. We have Remembrance Day. A Holiday the Country takes very seriously. November 11th. Its cold, most times its rainy and its somber. The way the day should be. We don't have a lot of "Remembrance Day" Sales. Only the Major cities will stay open, but for the most part people have the day off. We go to the Cenotaph to honor those who had fallen in the wars we were involved in.We lay our wreaths,bow our heads and listen to bugle play. We take the time to honor those who never came back. This our day of mourning for our War Dead.

Since living in the United States, Memorial Day always baffled me. Here was a day that was supposed to be about the War Dead of this Country. Remembering those who made the ultimate sacrifice. And yet I get bombarded with flyers for Memorial Day Sales both in the mail and on the TV. Has Memorial Day turned commercial?  Its like this country has forgotten what this day is about. I know this is the weekend that kick starts the BBQ parties, pools open and the summer activities start up. But it makes me wonder just how many of us will take pause and remember why we have this weekend.

To most military families, we get it. Why? Its our way of life. Our loved ones go off to war, some come home and some don't. War Never Changes. We know just what sacrifices our service men and women have made for this country.  When my Husband was in Afghanistan, this was the year that my eldest finally realized what Memorial Day was about. He had a hard time with it. He knew his Father was off to a place where there was fighting going on. His response was this.

" If Daddy dies in a war that we are fighting in, I honor him on this Weekend? We should honor him everyday."

"Yes, son"

He was 7 at the time. It hurt my heart a little to hear that come out of the mouth of someone so young. But it made me proud to think, he gets it.

I know people will say,"Well we have Veteran's Day for remembering those who have fallen" Here is the thing, shouldn't those who made a decision to sign their life over to their country deserve more than two days a year? People may not agree with where the military gets sent to or the policies. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty of things, when something happens in this country, Terrorism or a Natural Disaster, the military are normally the ones called in to help. Whether it be the National Guard or Service men and women from a base. Those people enlisted. Those people, if need to will go to war for this country. Some will return and some won't.

I guess what I am trying to say is, between the BBQ parties, pool openings and the Memorial Day Sales, take the time to put this Country's War Dead in your thoughts. Reflect on why you have the freedom to live your life.

If you want to do something this weekend that shows you care, visit a War Cemetery or a local Cenotaph. Read up on our War history. Educate yourself. Or help a Veteran out. Say thanks. Some times its the little things that go a long way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao___c7AVmo 

The Flat Stanley Obsession.. Autism Style...

Flat Stanley. He is cool... He is flat and he has adventures, right? To most children his adventures inspire imagination and a sense of travel. To my 7 year old daughter he has inspired an obsession. 

A few weeks ago my daughter's class started their Flat Stanley projects in order to understand Geography and mapping. Cool. Little Miss wanted to send hers to Canada where her Amah and Grandad live. Great Idea. Flat Stanley is going to Canada. At this time My parents were getting ready to go to England(That is where my Father is from) to visit family. They thought it would be a good idea to take Stanley with them and he would have adventures there. Before he left for the United Kingdom, my parents made this social story about Stanley's adventure in Canada and send it back to her class in the meantime. Fantastic I thought! The social story was wonderful. Pictures of Stanley feeding squirrels. Him at the lake that I used to kayak on.You get the picture. 

Stanley has not come back from England yet. And Little Miss is stressed over it. She is more stressed over this paper doll coming home than her father being deployed. I am used to the 20 bazillion questions every hour. But this has reached the point of obsession. We had a complete meltdown over Stanley yesterday after school and again this morning. You cannot bring up this guy's name without someone shutting down. Is it wrong to say that Stanley is giving my daughter  a complex with traveling paper dolls? I think its hard for her to understand fully that he is coming back. And it makes me wonder if this is a reflection of how she feels about her dad being deployed?

I will so be glad when that envelope arrives in the Mail with the 'Royal Air Mail' Stamp on it. Little Miss will be relieved that her Flat Stanley is back and safe from his adventures and I will be relieved to have a bit of my sanity back. Next time we have to do a Flat Stanley project he is going to have an adventure across the street at a neighbour's house. 

 

My Children's experience with Wandering..

 I am the mother of two children on the Spectrum. Two. Both are very curious about the world they live in. Both like to wander. They are children. When I wrote in my last blog about Mikaela Lynch, two more stories of children with special needs who wandered away and died because drowning made the news. For many of us parents, our hearts again dropped deep into our chests. We mourn with these parents, as we know. We have been there at one point in our lives, the fear when our children have wandered. It does not make us bad parents. We are overwhelmed parents.

I will share two stories that gave me my heart attacks. I share these stories because I want parents, especially those of Mikaela, Owen and Drew to know I am with them and understand.

My daughter was three when she wandered off.My husband was deployed to Iraq that spring. Walked right out of our fenced in backyard, across a busy street and went over to the daycare. I had walked inside my house to put a load of laundry in. I thought since the back gate was locked it was safe. This was the day she figured out how to unlock the gate. I thought at first she had come back inside the house. I spent about 15 minutes looking for her. Tore my house apart. I walked outside and saw the Daycare and thought she might have wandered over there. She did indeed do just that. The police were called, I was written up for being a neglectful  parent and had Family Advocacy showing up at my door. We got the Autism Diagnosis a couple of months later. Now she has out grown her need to wander.

My youngest hasn't. We have done everything in our power to make sure he doesn't get out of the house without us. He wandered away during a Base Fourth of July celebration again with my husband deployed. He crawled out the little tent I had put him down for a nap in. Asked people who were with us, to watch over him as I took my eldest to the bathroom. Unnoticed he crawl out and wandered. I had come back from the bathroom, went to check on him and he was gone. I was fortunate to get an MP who had just picked him up, remembering him as I was giving him the description of my child and just brought him to the first aid stand.

Both times I wanted to die right there on the spot. Both times part of me died a little. Here I thought I was the worst parent on the planet. I came to realize, that I am not the worst parent. I am a parent that does her best with what she has. I am going to make mistakes. But I have certainly learned from them.

Autism and wandering go hand in hand. We need to spread the awareness. Three children have lost their lives in a span of a week. And as the summer months approach, more kids will be outside playing.