Mourning the Loss of a Little Girl..An Outpouring Love for Mikaela Lynch.

Parenting has to be one of the most daunting and hair raising experiences one can take on. We are constantly making choices that we think are the right ones. We are judged, criticized and sometimes shunned for the choices we make. Parenting is hard enough and shouldn't have that added stress. We all do our best with what we have. Even the best of parents have slip ups. Remember that. No one is perfect.

This week many of us parents of special needs children mourned the loss of one little girl. We mourned  along with her parents as we knew this could have happened to any one of us. We do everything in our power to keep them safe especially the ones who have the wanderers. It is every parent's worst nightmare when their child wanders off. Whether it be in a mall, crowded place or simply just out the front door. We do everything. Pad locks, harnesses..and still the need to wander is so strong it still happens. So if Parents still are doing everything in their power to prevent this from happening, why are they being so harshly judged? By the outside world that doesn't live the lives of others?

It bothers me that social media has taken this tragic death of Mikaela Lynch as a platform to blast the parenting choices of Special Needs Parents. One fine example can be found on Twitter, by a "Reporter" for the Examiner.com. Who, I might state is not a parent. But this person felt the need to rake Mikaela's Parents and every other special needs parents out there over the coals for doing what she thought was bad parenting. If this is the kind of negativity that is happening over at Examiner.com, then no thanks. Many outraged parents have already contacted this publication. They can be reached at contactus@Examiner.com or click on the button below. This is just another fine example of the ignorance that is out there when it comes to Special Needs.

Personally, I have two children that wander. One of them, who darts off like a rocket. If I put him in a harness, I get judged for being not letting him be a child and that he no better than a dog. But if I don't he is all over the place and considered a terror. So what do we parents do? There is no right or wrong answer. We do our best. As that is all we can do. Ignore the nay sayers and the haters. Know that you are doing a good job.

To Mikaela Lynch's Parents, We are with you. We, the parents that have special needs children understand.We are mourning right along side you. You have the support of all of us.

And to the haters, the ignorant and judgmental, before you start critiquing the lives of others, you better make sure you are perfect yourself. While you are busy making assumptions and misconceptions, the skeletons in your closet are slowly coming out. Don't underestimate the fighting spirit of parents that have had to fight for their kids since the time they were born.

Mental Illness shouldn't be a Back Burner Issue.

I have always been an a supporter of Mental Health and an advocate of the Mentally Ill. I was fortunate to have a Mother that worked with those who's Mental health effected them daily. If you don't have your mind, where does it leave you? Just a Shell of someone. With it being Mental Health Awareness Month, I could not help to tie it in to Military Appreciation Month. Why? PTSD. Its one of the biggest ones. Not to mention the depression and the anxiety that family members go through during deployments.

Deployments are stressful enough on both the service member and family. The service member's mental capability is put to the test on such a vigorous scale its a wonder they can function at full speed. Think about it. They have the stress of doing their jobs, finishing a mission without incident or finishing a mission with incident. Then trying to wrap the mind around the most horrible things a person can see, witness or sadly be involved with. They have the worry of whether or not their family back home is doing ok. Then when they get back home, what is available to them as support? It has gotten a lot better the past couple of years, but its not perfect. Trying to switch your brain from the fast paced thinking they are trained to do, back to the slow, laid back way of thinking of the everyday life. I can see how that would be hard for someone to do. Military Spouses, Husbands and Wives are the first line of support for our returning men and women. We know our spouses better than anyone. So we would know if something was not quite right with them.The military has gotten a lot better over the years about recognizing  PTSD as something that can be debilitating. There are more screenings done. More Service members are getting help with the triggers and managing them.Its sad,  that its taken this long to figure out the going to War, does a number on the human psyche. An even more sadder note, the majority of our homeless are Veterans that suffer from one from of PTSD and other mental illness associated with their time in the service. That says something doesn't it?

Mental Illness doesn't just stop with the service members, We the spouses have our own mind to think about. It isn't easy to say goodbye those we love. We worry about them. We have anxieties of our own. Yes we get nervous when the phone rings or if we see a recognizable group of Military members come to our door. We also have the stress of solely running a household and being both parents. Let's not forget if you are a family with special needs. It adds on it. We get depressed. Deployments are often long and communication is lacking at times.We also have our triggers. 

Mental Illness is one of those things that no one wants to admit they need help in. But its one of the most important things to be seen about. I personally have dwelt with it. I will fully admit that I am depressed and that I have anxiety. If I admit that I have to take medication in order to feel better, I am one more person that has taken the step to making sure my mental health is taken care of. Mental Illness is invisible. You can't see it. But it needs to be recognized. People need to know that just because someone looks healthly on the outside, they may be hurting on the inside. People also need to get over this stigma that having a Mental Illness is a sign of weakness. Its not. Acknowledging you have a problem and getting help for it is the biggest sign of courage and strength.

Making people aware that its ok to admit they need help or that they need to be screened for a Mental Illness is the key. Its a hard and long road, but if you have people in your lives that support you and love you, the road traveled will be an easier one.

With that, Imma Navyspouse and I have depression and Anxiety. I hope that helps someone out there that needs it.

Breaking down the Stigma of a Bully...

Bullying seems to be the norm these days. Its in the news pretty much once a week. The stories of children bullied so bad, they don't want to go back to school or they have to change schools to get away from it or the stories of the young taking their lives because they just can't live through any more torment. What does that say about the generation we are leaving this world when we pass on?

Bullying has been around for ages. The art of picking on the weak. We see it our history. Racism.Discrimination. We see it everywhere. Especially in our Children.

There has always been this need to fit in or be part of the "Cool" gang. But when you look at it, What is a Bully? Is it someone that thinks picking on a person is appropriate to make themselves feel good? Yes. A bully is a person who is insecure about themselves. A person that has to belittle someone else in order to make themselves feel better. Whether it be a jealous thing or something that this person lacks in personality or a physical attribute. But what ever it is, a Bully has something they are insecure about.Is it right? No.

It saddens me in this generation to come just how cruel people can be. I look at the one of the most  prominent media cases. Shamefully from my own hometown. Rehtaeh Parsons. A girl that took her own life, after something horrific happened to her. But people instead of being compassionate, bullied this girl till she couldn't take it anymore. She killed herself. What does that say about the kids that thought this was ok? What does it say about the Parents of these kids?When it comes to children, they learn by example. So if you have a parent that isn't open minded and doesn't except that others are different, then the vast majority of those children are going to look at people and think its ok to pick on the short comings of others.

Its not just children as well that are affected. Adults too. You see it in the difference of opinions. Attacking someone because they simply do things differently from you. Or that they think differently. Or that they live a different lifestyle than you. Ignorance and Insecurity.

We all have our own personal experiences with a bully. Either being one or being the victim of one. Most people are the victim of ones. Personally, I was the victim for many years. I was a freckled Face kid, with a really bad over bite, who learned differently from the rest. My biggest fault was I was too nice to people. I got taken advantage a lot in school. People I thought were friends, weren't. Played horrible tricks on me and thought it was funny when I was upset about it. What is really sad, is that I see the same thing happening to my children. My eldest. The kid with the big heart. I see people try and take advantage of him. I see the pain in that child's eyes, when his picked on for being small. Every morning I always tell him to surround yourself with people who make you happy. Who lift you up, instead of bring you down. One thing he does have, that I didn't is the courage to say " No, this is not ok"

My biggest fear will come with my other two children. Who do see the world differently. That will not understand why someone is making fun of their uniqueness. I know children can be cruel. I stress that I love them for who they are. How they treat people shows the world that they are doing something right. When it comes to bullying the Special Needs, the main reason is Ignorance. The inability to learn and educate one's self.

I wish the world would change. I wish that for my children's sake, they will not have a world of ignorance and hate to grow up in. I think sometimes that is wishful thinking. The whole celebrate the uniqueness of others. One thing I can teach my children is that there is always people who love them for who they are. People that are going to accept them for who they are. And to have the Mentality of " Hey, I am a good person, if that other person can't see that, their problem, their loss"

Ode to the Military Spouse

With it being the beginning of Military Appreciation Month and Month of the Military Spouse, I look back at the 11 years I have been married to my sailor. It wasn't a lifestyle I would have thought I would be living. But here I am.

Military Spouses, have been around for centuries. As longs as there has been a military established, there have been the people who love them. Think back to the Ancients.Greeks, Roman, Egyptians and the Persians and many others. They all went off to work to conquer new lands or to fight off invaders. Imagine those spouses, not even knowing if their husbands have lived or died in battle, unless a messenger was sent back to report battle news and causalities. That has got to be a rough life to live.

Even when I look back at the lives of  military spouses during the past 200 years or so. Its still has to take guts to love the uniformed person.At least in the last 200 years the art of letter writing was perfected. The rate of travel these letter got faster and faster. But still waiting months just to hear from a loved one, would hurt anyone's heart. Spouses had so much riding on their husbands back then. As Women, they weren't allowed to vote and didn't have the rights as a man. So if you lost your husband to war, you were stuck. You had children to raise and a life to live in a society that didn't give you the rights as your husband. Life was not easy.

The 20th Century open up the doors for women. We got the right to vote. We got the right to establish ourselves within a Man's world. The 20th Century also brought two major World Wars. WWI, the War to end all Wars brought Military Spouses from all over to support the uniformed services in one War. From the Battlefields of Europe came letters telling of the flowers that grow to the horrific day to day in the trenches. Spouses supported from home. They still loved their returning men, broken but still alive. WWII, my grandmother's generation, we saw more spouses out there pulling that working man's weight. They were in the factories contributing to the war effort. We saw them in the War Offices. Still it was a time where communication, had gotten better, but waiting to hear from a loved one still took some time. Spouses still kept the house running, raising children and the continuing support of their servicemen. It had to be tough to go so long without seeing or sometimes even hearing from your spouse.

It wasn't until 1948 when women were allowed to join the Military, when the Women’s Armed Services Integration Act was signed by congress. where we saw our Military Husbands. Not a lot as the Military was still a Man's domain. But with women now allowed to serve, we had military husbands. With more women joining up between 1948 and modern day, the number of husbands grew.

The Modern day Military Spouse is just that. Modern. We have better communication. We have more support out there. I see the Military Spouses of the past as our trailblazers. They made some of the services we have today possible. They endured so much more than we did. But those who are still alive and remember, know that its not an easy life. They understand that loving and supporting someone who proudly serves their country is difficult. I am always very humbled to sit down and listen to the Veterans and their spouses. There is always two stories. The war stories and the stories from back home. So when we thank the Veterans for their service, if their spouse is with them, thank them as well.

I can proudly say that when I said "I do" 11 years ago, I joined the ranks of some pretty awesome people and to them, I salute them. They have given me some perspective. They have understood my frustrations. Most of all they have understood this love I have for my sailor.

Gram, this one is for you. Thank you.

The Lament of the IEP for the Third Time...

Its not a big secret that IEP has a resonating sad ring to it. As it means your child is struggling in their academic life. It brings to the table the many fights you will have with the school over what you feel they need to be working on. The stress of wanting what is best for your child. Its enough to make any parent have panic attacks.

As I write this, all three of my children have IEPs. Every year, separately, I go in to hash out the goals these children will have to work towards. I won't lie that it stings. Makes me what wonder what on earth is in our genetic code. Or what We as parents should have done differently. No parent wants to see their child struggle, at anything.

This last establishment of an IEP, I think stings more, because I know he understands. As I see the pain in my child's eyes, when he doesn't think he is good enough. When he compares himself to others. When I see the frustration in his face, when something simple things trip him up. I see this child beat himself up when he is the last in the pack. I want this child to feel that he is good enough. He is smart enough. I want him to know that he is strong enough. I want him to know that he is a fighter. A good one. One that looks at these challenges in front of him and thinks to himself.. " I got this. I can do this." I want to encourage him that he is wonderful, funny, smart and loved. I want him to see past his difficulties and not let them consume him.

As a parent, I want the best for my children. As most parents do. Its hard as a parent to fight that urge to jump in with a magic wand and fix things. That is where we learn. We learn to step back and see what potential these kids have and we let it shine. We learn that sometimes its ok to accomplish things with help and hard work and that finding a way that works sometimes takes time.

Even though that all three have their individual roads to follow, I will gladly help them on that road. I will be there when they stumble and need a lift. I will be there when they get to the end and begin anew. I will celebrate with them every step of way. I will always be in their corner cheering them on from the smallest of victories to the biggest.

150 Autism Street, USA.. Postmark?

For most of us, 150 Autism Street is where we live. It used to be 188, but we moved. It is in every city, town, township across this country. This address is with us no matter where we move. We have embraced it. In a sense, it means Autism lives that this address.

We live with it everyday. We know what it means to either have it or have someone we love have it. We know the good, the bad and the very ugly side of Autism.

The Very Ugly. We have all had those days where Autism will rear it's ugly head. Normally when we don't want it too. Its the day were everything has gone wrong, you are tired, and you just want to accomplish the one task you need to do. Then starts the epic meltdowns. For me 95% of the time I have no idea what starts them. The combination of over stimulation, tiredness and the change in schedule or it could something that is only known to the child. It begins the screaming, the biting,hitting and sometimes kicking. If this happens to you in a public place, then its ten times worse. Not only are you dealing with your autistic children melting down, but the judging and ignorance of the strangers. For me Meltdowns are the very ugly side of Autism. As you try so hard to be that good parent and all you want is for your child to just stop. You wish there was some magical spell you could say that would help. You also wish that people would just mind there own business. The last thing a parent who's child is going through a Autism meltdown needs is parenting advice. Again We live it, every single day. We know. This is not our first trip to the Rodeo, nor will it be our last.

The Bad. For me its the struggle. The struggle to make sure they thrive and grow. Getting them to daily or monthly appointments to three or more different services. The IEP battles with the school. All just to make sure these kids are moving forward. The is bad is the stress. The stress and worry if theses kids will grow up to be adults that can handle themselves. We know they will be adults, but if they will be able to take care of themselves when we are gone. That worry if we are making the right choices. I know every parent has that worry. But I feel with Autism Parents, it gets magnified. Which is why we need to fight harder for things.

The Good. I saved it for last. The good is always the small little victories that are made. The word that is said, the academic achievement or the expression of emotion that wasn't there before. The good is the love. Its always going to be there. Kids share it in their own little way. The hugs, the closeness or the smiles and laughter. Its the good that keeps us parents going. Its all those small little victories, we celebrate. We know that they all add up to something bigger.

So yes, I live at 150 Autism Street, USA. This is going to be my address for awhile. The number might change, but the street will always be the same.

I live in a Special Needs World..

I am going to start this  by saying that I love my children. I love them with all my heart. Everything about them I love. These are the children that are the product of my husband and I. Both of us would go to the ends of the earth if need be for these children. Just to make sure they thrived and were able to achieve their dreams.

For us Parents that have the difficult task of parenting special needs children, it is hard for us sometimes.Its hard for us to not look at other children and think " I wish my child could do that". Its the things that most parents wouldn't give a second thought about. Things like, feeding oneself, dressing oneself, riding a bike or even potty training. Simple things that come easy to children without special needs. They always say not to compare. As children go at their own pace. But we all do it. Secretly. Its there in the back of our minds. We all wish that our children would just do those things or more. Sometimes to us Special Needs Parents, especially when we have had a full day of meltdowns, over stimulation or a day where we have just spent a whole morning arguing with the school over an IEP, the last thing we need to see a child who is capable of doing everything your child should be doing, shoved in our faces. I know that sounds harsh. I will be the first one to admit that I have those feelings sometimes. Its not because you dislike the child, but you yearn for the day your own child would do things. You wouldn't have to worry so much. You wouldn't have to fight so hard to make sure your child is getting everything they need just to help them along.

I don't want to come across as hating the neurotypical child. I don't. I do think that sometimes it is hard for us parents that have some many other challenges, besides the regular ones,for us to feel sorry sometimes if you can't get your child to clean their room or that they got a B+ instead of an A. I know we all have our challenges. I just think that sometimes, we the Special Needs Parents, would like to have a "Gimme" Just something that we don't have to worry about or have to fight for.

I think we just want those small victories we have to be recognized. Like if you have a once non verbal child, all of a sudden they said a word. Or a child that has been struggling with a certain subject and they come home with a good grade.For us Special Needs parents its all about the small stuff. As we know it will turn into something bigger. Its like watching dominoes. Once the child has mastered one thing, it opens the door for something else. All those small steps are monumental to a Special Needs Parent. We celebrate those because we know our child is moving forward. Something is happening. The fight for services and getting those services were for not. I think that is why so many of us think parents of non special needs children, don't understand why we are the way we are. Or why we get frustrated. Or why it bugs us when it is always in our face of what our child should be doing at this age.

Every Child is special. They all have their uniqueness about them. Some see the world differently from others. Some learn differently. In the grand scheme of things, most of us parents just want what is best for our children. We all travel different paths. I think my main thought for this, is acceptance. My struggles are different from your struggles. And that its sometimes hard for me to see the neuro typical world when I live in a world that is filled with special children who have very special needs.